This is it. This is the pinnacle of nerdom. This is the greatest height of nerdery that has ever been reached before.
Peter in Loki’s body on a bus downtown to the real Loki and making an excuse that he’s going to a comic convention.
Never will such levels of pure fucking nerd ever be seen again, it’s just not possible. This is a beautiful day, I am glad I am alive to experience this, god bless.
Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
- You do not respect their rights as an individual.
- You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
- You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.
"I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me "
“’You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?’”
I found these quotes particularly interesting. OP’s mother refused to listen when she tried to talk about her depression, but snooped through her things to see if she was depressed.
It’s amazing to me that parents need to be told something that I GUARANTEE they experienced themselves. This is something that predates text messaging. You search your child’s room for drugs, and they will find a better hiding place for anything they may be worried about you finding - even if it’s as innocuous as candy. You try to snoop on their phone conversations with their boyfriend, and they will 1) Find a different way to communicate with him, and 2) Never communicate with YOU about their boyfriend.
My parents doing this shit to me didn’t make me stop doing it and didn’t make me respect them any more. All it did was make me better at sneaking around.
I am a parent, and I thoroughly endorse this. My mother read my diary, I started using it to write solely fiction. My mother searched my room for “inappropriate” (i.e., sexual) material, I went out and started having sex with other people. Counter-fucking-productive, literally.
I raised my daughter with a clear message that I respected her privacy, that I trusted her to behave sensibly and maturely, that I would call her out if I caught her being less than honest (mostly about homework), but that I believed that she was a person who was deserving of respectful treatment and who was allowed to set personal boundaries.
Unsurprisingly, she didn’t go through anything like the degree of teenage acting-out and self-destructive behavior and emotional turmoil, compared to my adolescence … and we have a close, respectful, caring, loving bond to this day.
*My* mother is still unsafe to trust with any level of personal information, because I never know when she’ll use it to lash out abusively. We only have a ‘relationship’ of any kind on the most surface level — she’s not allowed into my head or into my personal life or personal feelings.
Thank you, @daeranilen, for this cogent and well-written statement regarding the way that teenagers absolutely do predictably behave in response to violations of their privacy, and how it can set up a situation where the parent fails to listen when approached, and where the child simply learns how to hide their thoughts and actions better, because they know their parents can’t be trusted.
The omnipotent Great God Om errbody
African proverb (via futurepharaohs)
This is a Zimbabwean proverb from the Shona tribe, meaning that a person who harms another or borrows from someone will often forget, but the person who is harmed or borrowed from will always remember.
I am so done with this student council
TG: that shits hella weird man
TG: rare like some kind of nasty endangered frog
TG: something jade and her freaky grandpa would get wet over the chance to hold
TG: all spitting and slimy as fuck and cyber-goth green
TG: it knows its special
TG: it flaunts its snowflake-grade quality by sticking its goddamn tongue in your face
TG: and then going all valentine’s day massacre on a bunch of flies or some shit right before your eyes
TG: acting all adorable as fuck and freaky as hell the whole time
TG: shits odd bro
TG: odd like you wouldnt fucking believe
every other Dave on MSPARP:
TG: cool frog man